Ignis Fatuus

Crochet artist who is an avid reader, who contemplates & scribbles her thoughts to share.....


                                       

In the haziness I see clearly...yes it's me!! I am seeing myself in a rapture, sitting beside my family. Everyone is euphoric that I have found the girl of my dreams. The at-oneness everyone feels to have Rose as our new family member is so felicitating. "Yes," I say. "I'll travel back from my trip in a jiffy & I'll plug myself into the preparation for this communion." I'm looking at my mother. Y do I see her contour turn into an agony? A voice disembodied from her is ululating a whoop. It's quiet disconcerting to see the haziness thicken into obscurity. "Where has everyone gone? That wail is getting louder & louder...

Between my blinks I see the figure. "No, there are two of them. Y is that lady crying? My eyes feel heavy, Y are they heavy? I see it .... that other silhouette is wearing a scrub. My throat is dry? Y is it dry...? Where am I? Y does the matron cry?" I feel exhausted; the murkiness is getting thicker again; let me just close my eyes for a bit.

Aah! I am back in the Elysium. It's much easier to see in this fog. Less exhaustion, more delight. I can once again see myself in those beautiful eyes. I hold her statuesque face & kiss her on the lips, those that are just like her name Rose.  Hours have been passing into days. Days into years. But I still can hear those disembodied voices. Sometimes murmuring, sometimes echoing. Though they don't make any sense, but the parts that I hear tell me that this family has been lamenting over a man for years now. "Am I hallucinating? Do I need to see a doctor?" Everything seems in decorum. My two kids are happy & are in school. My beautiful wife & family are in front of my eyes. No reason to worry for the few voices that I hear or the hallucinations of people swarming & peering into me sometimes.

Today I'm yanked into consciousness. A clanking noise exerts me to open my eyes. I'm being  pulleyed into a hammock. I can see the dark grey ceiling. The rhythmic beeps of the machines & the chattering of people giving instructions. "Y am I suspended in mid air?" I can feel my back hurting. I can also feel the exact spots on my back that are hurting. I hear voices. Nurses are scurrying around. Gently trying to clean me. The spots on my back are now burning. I feel myself losing to the darkness. "No wait, I need to know. Where am I? Y am I plunging back & forth into two different vagaries? At least I need to know which one of them is real & which is a delusion?"

....................................................24 hours or 1440 minutes or 86400 seconds in a life of an adrift matter that has been misplaced to live as a creation as an indestructible illusion, that which is on a rerun & we address it as LIFE.